Crush Reunion 2010

I had a dream last night and it incorporated my middle school crushes with a "reunion" theme (so that even though I went to two different middle schools, we were all reunited as adults in one wooden-floored gym).  Funny how these boys all looked the same way in my dream as they did in middle school! 

Among the ranks of these boys (what girl doesn't have several crushes throughout her life) was the cute, awkward Sam*, the super-smart, sarcastic Joey* and the boy I just knew I was meant to marry--Jordan*.  Each of these boys broke my heart in middle school in different ways and using different methods.  Sam* was oblivious to my undying love, while Joey* was (as indicated above) sarcastic and made fun of me.  Jordan* strung me along for (and I do not exaggerate) years (into early high school).

During the dream, I found myself feeling differently than I did around these boys when I knew them waybackwhen.  This time, I was confident and showed them that I am a smart, successful woman, and I no longer wear braces.   In my dream, I didn't need them anymore because I was all grown up.  I didn't need them then.  The dream ended and I woke up this morning thinking about the crushes I've had in my life.  You know, the harmless ones, the innocent ones, and the ones that were absolutely heart-wrenching true love scenarios.  Ok, I wasn't thinking so much about the boys themselves, but more about the ways I've had my heartbroken.  Then, I thought about how I'd treated a few boys poorly myself over the years.  I wondered about which of these experiences might have more weight on who I am today.

Don't get me wrong, please.  I do not feel nostalgia or warm and fuzzy or bitterness about these experiences.  I do not long for the days when I followed Jordan around like a pathetic little puppy dog, crying the day I moved to Germany because I would miss him so.  I may have been a little puppy then, but I'm not one now.  I didn't deserve to be treated that way and the boys whose hearts I bruised (I didn't have the popularity or charm or looks to break any hearts--there were a couple that I merely bruised temporarily) didn't deserve what I did to them either.

So on my drive to work today, I began to think a little further on growing up.  I pondered on the experiences when I was made fun of or when I made fun of someone.  I thought about those heartbreaks and about the good experiences I had in the search for love.  I wondered what kinds of experiences weigh the most on my character--the good ones or the bad ones?  What does this dream mean?  Do I think that by growing up to be the woman that I am strive to be that I "sure showed those boys!" ?? 

Nah.  Because they grew up too and became men.  And I'm sure none of them have braces anymore either. 

I just wish that, growing up, I had known what I know today about life, love, and treating people with kindness, consideration, and respect.  I would know better how to treat people and how I deserved to be treated.

*Names have been changed in order to ensure the  jerks'  boys' anonymity.  ;)